It can be tempting when we discover that our child is being bullied at school to rush in with our sword blazing to save our poor victimized 'baby'.
Unfortunately this does not do much for the self-esteem of our child. In fact it simply reinforces the idea that they are powerless and that someone else has to come and save them.
So the first step in addressing the whole bully issue is to realise that your job as a parent is to support your child in developing the mindset and strategies to overcome their fear, as opposed to rushing in to make things better.
Before we can do this we also need to be more informed with what is actually going on at school. We can do this by asking our child questions such as:
a) Who is doing the bullying?
b) What are they doing?
c) What does your child do before and after they are bullied?
You can also make some quiet enquiries at school to ask the teachers if they've noticed anything. It's important this is done in no-fuss kind of way. The last thing we want to do is to inflame the situation any further and make it a "big deal".
Once we're fully informed we can then start looking at our own limiting beliefs around our child and being bullied. Simply get a piece of pen and paper and see what comes out. If you find any beliefs that do not serve you or your child, choose to let them go. You can use the tips contained in the Transforming Limiting Beliefs e-book to support you in this process. If you don't already have the book it can be downloaded on The Liberated Parent web page.
Likewise you can look at your limiting beliefs about your self as a parent e.g. What does it mean about me as a parent if my child is being bullied at school? And finally you can look at your and your child's limiting beliefs about 'the bully'.
Having let these limiting beliefs go, replace them with beliefs that will empower both you, your child and the bully. You can share these empowering beliefs with your child e.g. I am powerful and worthy of respect. You can then support your child to practice feeling these empowering beliefs at a10 out of 10 while visualizing 'the bully'.
Once you address these beliefs look at strategies to support your child such as coaching them on their posture, eye contact and assertive language they can use with aggressors e.g. "It's not okay for you to" .... "Stop ..... ." You can actually role play this until you feel your child's conviction and power coming through. It's important to teach your child to respond assertively to undesirable behavior as opposed to just "ignoring" the bully, which nine times out of ten simply encourages the bully to continue.
Encouraging your child to take up a martial art or a physically demanding sport will also build their physical self-confidence and ability to stand up for themselves. Finally take a look at what's happening around the home in terms of how family members are treating one another. If you notice yourself or other people in the family being belittled or victimized make a conscious effort to address this.
An accompanying video is available with the author discussing How To Deal With Bullying.
About the Author
Dixon Hammer is a life coach who for the past 10 years has been working with children, teenagers and parents to discover the simplest most effective ways to empower and to transform their lives. He is the author of The Liberated Parent Online Course.
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