Trying to fit in and being bullied are things all children face. These are also areas that children with Aspergers struggle with daily. In his book "Aspergers and Girls" Tony Atwood discusses the topics of bullying and teasing. Although he discusses the interactions between girls in this book much of the material still applies to boys as well.
One trait with Aspergers is the inability to analyze social situations, read facial cues, or even be aware when situations aren't as they might appear to be. Joking and sarcasm are often misunderstood and taken literally. These social cues can be learned by people with Aspergers but usually don't come intuitively. Teaching using social stories, watching movies and commercials and even "people watching" in public can help show social situations and what facial cues and body language are being used between people. When trying to make friends and fit in teaching body language is essential. They must learn what clues are saying "I am friendly" or "don't bother talking to me". They also should be aware of their own body language to know how to look approachable and friendly. Observe their interactions with others and discuss privately what may be inappropriate and what may be more appropriate in the future.
In Tony Atwood's book "Aspergers and Girls" he lists a few books that can help in explaining fitting in, making friends, bullying, teasing, and more. Some are the award-winning American Girl books called "The Smart Girl Guide to Friendship Troubles", "Guide to Sticky Situations" and "Guide to Middle School". Another book is called "Queen Bees and Wannabees" which the movie "Mean Girls" was based on.
Bullying can sometimes be relentless and is really intimidating. Obviously there is physical bullying but can also include gossiping, rumor spreading and cattiness. The Aspergers child may be totally unaware of the bullying or what it means. This can change at any time though. Other times they are completely aware but lack the social skills to know how to handle the situation correctly. Many can begin acting out at others, cry, turn inward, act childish, or become depressed. Many times they will not report bullying and teasing because of their inability to deal with the situation. They are needing help but may be unsure how to get it because they are not able to fully explain the situation. Asking children/teens about their friendships, daily interactions and even directly asking if anyone is teasing or bullying them is something parents and teachers need to do often.
Teasing is usually about something the recipient is insecure with or in this situation about a disability. Teasing can also be relentless and cause humiliation. Gossiping usually accompanies teasing and turn into rumors that can become hard to clear up or stop.
Explain when teaching social skills that those who bully, tease or gossip are trying to bring attention to themselves at the expense of someone else. They may have self esteem issues, want to build "power "for themselves, establish status and respect out of fear, or just be insecure. Also give them ways to receive help if they are being bullied or teased. They should always feel comfortable talking with their parents. Establish with teachers and school administrators your concerns so they can watch for problems and also be available to talk to. Depending on the situation parents of the other children may need to be called for a discussion and be made aware of the events.
We have been fairly fortunate with our Aspergers daughter. She is in advanced classes at school which means every year she ends up with the same advanced classes students. They have had time to get to know her and her quirks. Teachers have even reported these students stand up for her and watch out for her. They have been observed gently aiding or correcting her when needed. She has had a few minor situations with teasing/bullying which have been dealt with by school administrators. Our doctor made us aware that although she does not display depression now as she grows and becomes more aware of the social atmosphere around her she very well could become depressed as many Aspergers children do. Watching and monitoring her social interactions closely, discussing her feelings, and teaching social skills is the key.
http://www.aspergerssyndrome.today.com